A Collection Of Insults 2

(1) When you get run over by a car, it shouldn't be listed under accidents.

(2) The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you.

(3) We know you could not live without us. We'll pay for the funeral.

(4) You're the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you.

(5) Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick!

(6) I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!

(7) I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.

(8) You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn't like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.

(9) There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them.

(10) We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven".

(11) I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening.

(12) Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.

(13) You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent.

(14) You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant.

(15) When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, I'll say it was your stupidity.

(16) Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you be yourself.

(17) You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.

All Mati...

Karangan Bahasa Malaysia,
Tajuk: Kemalangan paling ngeri.


Pagi itu pagi minggu. Cuaca cukup sejuk sehingga mencapai takat suhu beku. Sebab itu saya tidak mandi pagi sebab air kolah jadi air batu dan air paip tidak mahu keluar sebab beku di dalam batang paip. Pagi itu saya bersarapan dengan keluarga di dalam unggun api kerana tidak tahan sejuk. Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya menemaninya ke pasar. Tetapi saya tidak mahu.

Selepas emak menikam perut saya berkali-kali dengan garfu barulah saya bersetuju untuk mengikutnya. Kami berjalan sejauh 120 kilometer kerana pasar itu letaknya 128 kilometer dari rumah. Lagi 8 kilometer nak sampai pasar saya ternampak sebuah lori kontena meluru dengan laju dari arah belakang.

Dia melanggar emak saya. Emak saya tercampak ke dalam gaung. Dia menjerit :Adoi!. Lepas itu emak saya naik semula dan mengejar lori tersebut. Saya pun turut berlari di belakang emak saya kerana takut emak saya melanggar lori itu pula. Pemandu lori itu nampak kami mengejarnya. Dia pun memecut lebih laju iaitu sama dengan kelajuan cahaya. Kami pula terpaksa mengejar dengan lebih laju iaitu sama dengan dua kali ganda kelajuan cahaya. Emak saya dapat menerajang tayar depan lori itu. Lori itu terbabas dan melanggar pembahagi jalan lalu bertembung dengan sebuah feri. Feri itu terbelah dua.

Penumpang feri itu yang seramai 100 orang semuanya mati. Pemandu feri itu sangat marah. Dia pun bertukar menjadi Ultraman dan memfire pemandu lori. Pemandu lori menekan butang khas di dalam lori dia..lori itu bertukar menjadi robot Transformer. Mereka bergaduh di udara. Emak saya tidak puas hati. Dia! pun terus menyewa sebuah helikopter di Genting Highlands dan terus ke tempat kemalangan. Dia melanggar pemandu feri yang telah bertukar menjadi Ultraman itu.

Pemandu feri itu terkejut dan terus bertukar menjadi pemandu feri semula lalu terhempas ke jalanraya. Pemandu feri itu pecah. Pemandu lori sangat takut melihat kejadian itu. Dia meminta maaf dari emak saya. Dia menghulurkan tangan ingin bersalam. Tetapi emak saya masih marah. Dia menyendengkan helikopternya dan mengerat tangan pemandu lori itu dengan kipas helikopter. Pemandu lori itu menjerit :Adoi..! dan jatuh ke bumi. Emak say menghantar helikopter itu ke Genting Highlands. Bila dia balik ke tempat kejadian, dia terus memukul pemandu lori itu dengan beg tangannya sambil memarahi pemandu lori itu di dalam bahasa Inggeris.

Pemandu lori itu tidak dapat menjawab sebab emak saya cakap orang putih. Lalu pemandu lori itu mati. Tidak lama kemudian kereta polis pun sampai. Dia membuat lapuran ke ibu pejabatnya tentang kemalangan ngeri itu. Semua anggota polis di pejabat polis itu terperanjat lalu mati. Orang ramai mengerumuni tempat kejadian kerana ingin mengetahui apa yang telah terjadi. Polis yang bertugas cuba menyuraikan orang ramai lalu dia menjerit menggunakan pembesar suara. Orang ramai terperanjat dan semuanya mati.

Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya ke pasar untuk mengelak lebih ramai lagi yang akan mati. Di pasar, emak saya menceritakan kejadian itu kepada penjual daging. Penjual daging dan peniaga-peniaga berhampiran yang mendengar cerita itu semuanya terkejut dan mati. Saya dan emak saya terus berlari balik ke rumah. Kerana terlalu penat sebaik saja sampai di rumah kami pun mati. Itulah kemalangan yang paling ngeri yang pernah saya lihat sebelum saya mati.

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What was that??

• Just a personal details maybe??
• To promote someone special??
• Or maybe to find someone missing??

Dun guess la, just click the picture and read it to get the answer...



Or you can click here or here to get the complete version...

Happy Chinese 牛 Year!!

LCH says: Happy Chinese New Year! Gong Xi Fa Cai..

Lokam From Longkang

Today, if i say "its made in china, do you want some?" I guess your answer will be "eh no no no, save it for your own".. First, the china's toys can make ur children become stupid. Then, the china's milk powder will make a stone inside your babies' kidney.. it seems like products from china never end with trouble until everyone is so scared of it...


Actually, is not really like that la... At least... we still have something GOOOOOD from china la.. it is.. the mandarin oranges...





ErR.............. did i just said so?.. what the hell im talking about!! just look at the pictures below la...





Can see that?? what the f was that?? that worm is celebrating CNY before us??!!



How bout this one?, cant even be sure what we eating inside our mouth, fresh juicy oranges? or live juicy worms?? It looks just so similar to the texture of the orange..



So... still dare to eat the oranges blindly??

Im Back!!!

Well, its been awhile since my last update, just wana say Hi...yaa! why so lame one.. to everyone .. without anymore loso words, lets just begin the sarcasm!!



Just be patient and wait for my next post.. TQ

Bye For Awhile

Greetings! Sorry no updatesss, LCH need to stop sarcastic for awhile due to some "headache".. LCH will or maybe will be back after 4^th December if im still mentally ok.. THANK YOU...

A collection of insults!

(1) Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people's head.


(2) I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.


(3) They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.


(4) You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.


(5) People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!


(6) You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals.


(7) I wish you were all here. I don't like to think there is more! Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that's the best friend you can get.


(8) I don't think you are a fool. But then, what's my own humble opinion against thousands of others?


(9) Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.


(10) People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright.


(11) Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.


(12) I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.


(13) When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening.


(14) I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.


(15) I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.


(16) I don't hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement.

Mesra, Cepat Dan Betul!!

“Mesra, cepat dan betul” or “friendly, swift and correct”… That’s what they called themselves!! Ya right!

-They will be friendly to you only if you rich!
-They will be fast only if they received kopiO!
-They’re always correct even they’re found guilty!




Those are all our abang polisman.. they look professional when they do parade! when get into real business, they hide inside the blue building and eat their nyonya kuih..




So you expect these kind of traffic police catch MAT REMPIT for you?? The police bikes got enough power to move o not??




What’s that??!!! dancing JOGET DANCE arr??!! or DONDANG??!!

Ikut Suka Abdullah

Recently we can see gov often use ISA system to arrest people they dun like or people who accidentally said something mildly sensitive.. But, I find that it is not the matter what you say, but is the matter who you are…

raja petra kamarudin

That’s famous blogger raja petra kamarudin, a malay who dun want to be malay, a malay who always offended malay..

So he got arrested under ISA again lo..




That’s opposition party member and also a parliament member thesa kok, she too always says something to hurt malay…


So she too got arrested under ISA lo….




That’s ahmad ismail who speak shit language and deeply offended chinese… said Chinese are penumpang in this country…


And still… He is free…

SO, what is ISA?? I dun understand this law.. Izit ISA = Ikut Suka Abdullah?? He can arrest whoever he want?? OR ISA = Ikut Suka Ahmad Ismail??? ARR~~ confuse la…

Jalan-jalan Cari “tak ada”

Jalan~~ Jalannnn~~~ jalan jalan, cari makan…

Sound familiar? Yes, that’s a part of song lyric from a tv program called “jalan-jalan cari makan”..

That program introduced people where can find best food in Malaysia, shows a fat mak cik no fear of fat and cholesterol, went all the place in Malaysia and eat all the time.. and every time after she finish the food, she will pass a piece of wood brand to the shop’s owner as a gift and also as a acknowledgement…

two fatty crews and that fat makcik

For me, that’s a “not bad” standard of tv program since I saw the makcik getting fatter after she hosting that program.. that proved she dint lie abt how “sedap” those food are.. But… the “not bad” standard in my mind suddenly changed to “too bad” soon after I saw the priceless wood brand at………..

HERE… The most lousy and annoying restaurant canteen in kuching! Sarawak state library’s canteen.. the tauke treat chinese like shit! everything we order foods that listed in the menu, he will answer you “tak ada”.. maybe next time we order food from him, we should ask “eh bodoh, ada apa?”..



!!! cant believe that !!!



See that?? know what’s that? A wild BIRD flying here and there, up and down INSIDE the canteen.. so next time when you eat there and find that someone add something alike mayornis or belacan sambal sauce into you food, dun be so surprise ok?.. Just look up and see if the bird there??

Up The Crack

Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye.

His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?"

"But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me!"

"Johnny," the father said. "You don't do those kind of things to women."

Sure enough, the very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue.

Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!"

"But Dad," Johnny said, "It wasn't my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!"

Read Before You Buy

Usually when we go buy some package food or can food from shop, automatically we will read the label stick on the can to get some information abt the product and make sure it’s worth for us to buy…




That’s a example of local made can product, F&N sweetened creamer that I bought from a granny shop.. and I read before I buy..

• I make sure it's healthy and vitaminised.
• I make sure it's cholesterol free.
• I make sure it's easy to open.
• I make sure it's cheap.

But besides that, we should also make sure it’s PATRIOTIC! Ok now STAND UP!!!! SALUTE to the can!! and we read together!!

- Trust the GOD!
- Loyal to the King and Kong!
- Respect the law's head!
- Just follow Law!
- Behave yourself!

Mock Exam For Real Mock People!

My school stpm MOCK exam just starts this Thursday, so this Wednesday LCH and friends try to be a bit different.. do something we seldom done before.. guess wud, we went to state library to STUDY!! MUAHAHAHA….



Seriously, LCH still think library is not a good place to study for ppl like us! haha.. Im right! not even can tahan for half an hour.. then we went down to play comp and eat at the lousy canteen there..

To make this post more interesting, let’s play a simple game here.. Is called “ GUESS WHO MOCK”!

This game is to guess who was really study and who was not and tying to pretend like he was or wud we called MOCK!

Example:

Do you think LCH seriously study?

Sorry, u r wrong, I MOCK only..

Clear? No rules apply! ok now start!


First , Alex.. does he really study??







NO! Mock only!



Second, Ah Ei, Study?







Yes, REAL!



Then, Ah Jui, study?… Ah Jui? hahaha…. I think this one is bonus question la..







MOCK! of course..



Finally… Ah leng and Amy….







Hahaha… 50% MOCK!… how 50%? left 50% mock, right 50% real la… LOL.. So, now can you see how mock we are? We will mock till the end!!

LCH here wishing all the MOCK candidates good luck lo!..

My Hump!

My hump! my hump! my hump! my hump!! My lovely little hump! check it out!!
Saw this "unique" somewhere at green road-pok kong park area.. Is that your car??